Day 60
“Is it hard?”
I was asked this question by a dear and highly intelligent friend concerning this project.
No and yes and sometimes. It has taken me a few days to think this one through a little.
It's entirely dependent upon perspective.
Does it require effort? Yes, and certainly a good deal of it. If "it" is showing up to play guitar, 'sometimes' is the answer. But it isn't hard like putting an animal down, or throwing a few thousand bales of hay around in high 30 degree weather with splinters under your nails and near bloody scratches covering your arms while coughing on dust and you just jammed your grease stained thumb hitching the wagon. To play some guitar for an afternoon sure isn't hard, per se. How about raising a family? That must be hard. Trying to sleep on an empty stomach and there's no food to speak of or money to buy anything. That's hard, but even then, the lessons gained in humility out weigh any temporary hardships. Endurance can be hard, but it can be euphoric. At times taking four intentional breaths without the mind wandering in every direction is seemingly impossible. But those moments are fleeting, like the wave of an all-encompassing pain that fills every crevice of your body and mind, it too passes. That is existence and those are interesting, often hard places.
'Demanding' is closer to this relationship with the guitar and myself. Both need maintenance, like anything with a lot of moving parts. Learning how to play in the early years and throughout university seemed really hard, and 6 years ago in amidst of a musical burn out I felt a plateau that stretched on for a decade that wasn't easy to live with. I think self care and love can be hard, and that seems to have the biggest affect on the music I play. It's only hard if you tell yourself it is. The lasting rewards only come with some form of hardship to surpass. There is sacrifice attached to any pursuit. Maybe what is considered "hard" is new, the hardest thing to overcome for me is self doubt.
What isn’t hard and is always the most joyous and exciting moment is opening the last latch on my guitar case and the little kid eagerness, curiosity, creativity and life force of wonderment comes flooding in. There is always a musical idea in the backdrop of my existence so I gravitate to exploring those seedlings to form something out of the mess. Some days are pure and effortless flights take off while others are grueling mountains to climb. Both ends of the spectrum give way to the same sense of satisfaction and abundant elation when all the hardships disappear in moments of actualizing potential. That is where I want to be. That’s what I’m trying to pursue.
