07/29/19

Day 90

"It's impossible to love without tears." - Dr. Cornel West

"Turn pain into a simple plan." - Jason Molina

I'm writing this before the 90th consecutive session. One would think I'd have "figured something out" or if anything, feel improved on the guitar. if I have, I don't notice either. What I have experienced is that I always feel like a beginner, every time I open up the guitar case I get excited with glee but feel as if it's a whole new start. Everything that came before is not as important as I once thought. But, everything prior has prepared me for encountering each arising moment, so it does matter but In ways that are subtle, a kind of invisible phenomena. A tool for connectivity with an openness to what comes naturally, letting go of everything that no longer serves.

Carrying the torch of a "force for good," as John Coltrane set out with A Love Supreme. A life in pursuit through art, music, creativity, work, that allows us to persist in a world of envy, hatred, cruelty, corruption... to be inspired and to pass that along in every waking breath and every interaction with the brothers and sisters of the world. My impetus and early struggles with trying to reconcile so much hatred and cruelty around the world had fangs in my psyche. I could not fathom a solution. I had the answer all along. I have been preparing since I began studying the guitar at age 7. The 90 days inside the temple that found me was the very reconciliation activity that I required, and still do. An act of deep introspection but also an act of complete sharing and opening up myself to all the vulnerabilities are self constructions.

Celebrating the concrete forms of love, goodness, community, dreams, inspirations, the nature of creativity, the temporal nature of life, the meanings of existence, the virtues of hard work and the celebration of beauty in all aspects of the natural world. To act in kindness in all interactions and iterations, to share mutual respect for each individual. Acknowledge the work required to overcome the negative personal emotions we all carry to activate the best out of ourselves and others. Share your pain. The Camera Obscura is an encapsulation of this very idea. A space that can be totally in isolation from the outside but with a lens looking out at the world, a duality that shows me not to be a victim of thoughts and emotions but a carrier of sorts. To transmit the struggles into something else so they don't eat away at the heart and soul of the being. To be continued…

Peace to all,

-J

PS. I’ll throw a video of session 89 up in a few days, I’ve had a lot of requests but wanted to wait until the project was fulfilled.

07/26/19

Day 87

I just received an invite to play Sappyfest 14 in Sackville, NB (August 3rd 12-2 pm at the church across from the swan pond) as part of a panel discussion about those born into a "climate crisis" situation hosted by Tamara from The Weather Station. It is an important event, possibly the most important of the festival in my opinion. Here is the a description of the event:

“Most of us have a callus of sorts formed over the words ‘climate change’ or ‘greenhouse gas emissions’. And how could we not? This is a callus of necessity - many of us cannot remember a time when this slow moving crisis wasn’t looming, in some way, over our world and our futures.

But how does it feel, really, to live in climate crisis? How does it feel to be born and raised into crisis?
How has this affected our communities, our hearts, our connections to each other, our thoughts?
And what can we do now?

This is an attempt to find new ways of talking about this thing we so rarely talk about, so rarely encounter outside of a political or adversarial space.
Finding new ways to see and witness each other at this moment in history, as we grapple in our very human ways with this most difficult question, and as we try and figure out how to love and how to live in this world, as it is in 2019."

My first response to these world-sized problems would be to heal thyself. From the Sacred Tree, "What we do to each other, the earth, we do to ourselves." Address or confront or overcome the pink elephant that resides deep within our own individual states of being. Ditch the guilt, fear, shame and all judgment that controls so many of our decisions or non-decisions. Trust and allow Mother Nature's ability to heal all. End the fight with her. Help one another, join forces and energies and tap into the collective consciousness that exists.

The next thought is a call to reduce all air traffic. During the 9/11 crisis most air traffic was grounded globally during daylight hours. For a week flights only traveled at night. Atmospheric conditions and temperatures dropped in these few days.

Most importantly:

Plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees plant trees. In yards, in schools, in parks, in cities, along roads, in towns in villages, in the countryside, in rich areas, in poor places, in warm countries, in the cold north, in every corner of the planet. Municipalities, counties, states, provinces, territories it doesn't matter what we call it or how we divide the borders, plant trees.

On the road from my house to the Camera Obscura. Cape Blomidon straight ahead. Crystal clear tide.

07/25/19

Day 86

The last five sessions. Ninety days sure flies by. I was tired and didn't want to play yesterday. I felt like I'd finished my job, got the ideas across and played all the notes that I needed to get out in the last 85 days. I unpacked my guitar and tried to play a few bars of something, I just couldn't muster anything inspiring. I put it down and went out back to walk the salt marsh trail, spend some time in the sun taking it all in for 30 minutes. It was all I needed. I returned with vigor and so did the music that pulled me through the session.

I have been hanging out with a bald eagle for the last two weeks. I had my eyes closed lying on my back on the beach and just happened to open them and there it was, swooping down from his (or her) overhanging tree, watching me and the tide come in. For the next ten days it'd be there on the same branch, with a partner not far away. I've been able to observe their actions closely, and was gifted a large and beautiful feather. As soon as I picked it up, I could feel the sense of flight as the slightest breeze touched the feather as the potential was revealed by the air. It's really amazing and feels like a symbol to keep going.

07/24/19

Day 85

The Basin music.

My heart sank into a new beat the first time traveling down the long lane way to the farm. Twenty kilometers due north as the crow flies across the Minas Basin lies Five Islands in pure glory and up towards Parrsboro it's all seas and land where dinosaurs dwelt. It's a unique and all encompassing force. The extreme lows where one can walk 4-5 kilometers out onto the very bottom of the seabed floor is an experience worth encountering. A weight worthy of the walk. A perspective worth the traveling and only with caution as the tide is unforgiving.

I had to learn Wildwood Flower from an old timer who was my only friend for the first year out here. It still is one of my favorite tunes, and the original Carter Family recording is one of the best of all time. Hanging around my 77 year old buddy was the beginning of a brand new education. Here everyone thought I was the educated one because I have a degree. I knew nothing. A slower pace for everything, learning to wear a keen eye looking at signs of the previous night's animal activity. Coyote tracks tailing rabbit tracks with a doe and fawn nearby, I began to be opened to a new tune. The process of making hay, milking a cow, burying a draft horse, running a chain saw, building a fence, creating relationships, killing a rooster, writing business plans, taming a wild abused pony, putting on an alternator (pronounced alt-nator ) ad nausea... Farming is a diverse life and the skills required are endless. It can bring a new found honour and appreciation of the work it takes to grow food while sharing the space with countless species of plant and animal life. Gradually and through a lot of missteps, scars and stomped on days I'd learn a new piece and gain a little mindfulness. Then out of the blue on a Friday night onstage inside a huge boathouse a community opened up.

Music as the conduit, the connective thread to people, place and time. Unbeknownst to me we all arrived in the same area, at a similar time in our very different lives. I had moved from Vancouver, AW from New Zealand, DL from Yellowknife and SeaRoss from Montreal. Through a few mutual friends suggesting we get together, I was hesitant and playing hard to get but finally after a few months I went out to the valley with the steel guitar and tele to go play some tunes. The songs were what hooked me. I absolutely love playing original music. It is the act of creating something that didn't exist prior where I am most inspired and where I want to place my energies. The songs these guys were writing (and continue to) instantly had their hooks in me. Four years later and countless shows later we still spend an evening every week wood-shedding, hanging, discussing, writing new material.

Most importantly for me taking on any project is all dependent on the people making the music. I have been in enough situations where no matter how good the music is, no matter how much the gig pays, if I have to share the stage with inflated egos and people I don't enjoy passing time with it is never worth it and I will take a pass. It took me a long time to learn this. Life is too short. Luckily, this group has become fundamental in my life out here for the last four years. Deep thinkers not afraid to discuss and explore heavy existential, ideas, family folks with young children, high intellects, creative forces unto themselves and as a group we maintain and share a mutual respect and admiration for one another. A band to celebrate the communities and an outlet to collaborate. The band has broadened my life with such vigor and a happiness that is infectious. While carrying on through the last 3 months in the Camera Obscura, I've maintained gigs and rehearsals with this band, creating new songs and developing our sound in the most natural way, simply getting together to jam for the love and fun of it.

It is a very different kind of music than what I play with this project but everything connects and circles into each other. I am never fully satisfied playing one type of thing. I've always needed several music projects to fulfill my diverse needs of sound making and I am happiest when there is a healthy balance. Cheers to the Basin Brothers, even if I wanted to name us "Minas Birds" instead.

07/23/19

Day 84

As I embark on this 84th day I reflect upon where the impetus for all this began. An act of good will to attempt to reconcile the hatred of the world. Lofty, I am well aware. Key word is ‘attempt'.’ Just as the potential for good in people is great, so is the capacity for the destructive and the cruel. A few years ago, I befriended a young man named Bikima in the village of TImbolo, (Mali) north west of Timbuktu, where the great guitarist Ali Farka Toure called home. In 2016, with the help of the community, this brave young man built a two room school house to educate young children of the Tuareg nomads. For three years, he did just that. Seeing updates and pictures of bright children smiling and learning was a real treasure and a huge lesson in how much privilege we take for granted here in Canada. There would be intermittent stoppages for desert sand storms, militia and political violence but always the educating would go on.

The school was burnt to the ground yesterday. No one was injured as they are on break until October, but that level of cruelty is just overwhelming.

I am dedicating today’s session to hope and warm thoughts for all those children and families in that tiny village and in any place of turmoil, and especially to my friend Bikima whose efforts do not go unnoticed.

Be kind to each other, to yourselves.

07/21/19

Day 82

Humid rain and thunder that rolled all afternoon was a pleasant backdrop to a stormy session of letting go. Today took effort. Some days showing up is all that is required, sleep deprived from last night’s backyard hootenanny gig I honoured the project and dug deep for the 82nd consecutive day. I want to highlight the struggle by presenting the first 20 minutes of the day. It goes through a few key and tempo changes and reflects me not operating at my optimal but working through the challenge with an honest effort. I like what happens at the 17th minute mark or so.

07/19/19

Day 80

Trying to untangle the threads of knowledge that spun themselves into knots over time. Dismantle the things we tell ourselves to justify anything. Some cut off entirely from the source, others dangling for dear life while I cling to the debris that experiences have left. The memories are dust filled that fail with age sometimes working for us but against the truth. What lies distant for one is near to another. Someone's sunset is another's dawn. It takes contrast to make motion. Studying the forces of two magnets pulled by opposing charges as it harnesses motion. A pull that opposes gravity unlike the rest of things living under its wings obeying the command towards the ground. The invisible friction we all must travel with. Is it a choice of which burdens to wear and which to toss? Which fears to let dictate and which ones to overcome?

Everyday I feel like a beginner. It takes mental power, focus and volition to live with intention and awareness. This project is an act of cultivation, a micro look at how I want to live. Enjoy the silence and curate a space to enter. Create a habit out of it and listen. This takes discipline, to shut out the clamoring of conflicting voices of the ego and to let the truth of intuition guide us onward. To be at one with the tools and materials at hand to express this search is always humbling and circular like the very space I enter. It takes preparation and commitment to one's craft to travel between the realms of transcendence and to mingle with other people as conscious beings, trans-personal connections. I am trying to make silence visible, to make solitude comforting. Turn alienation into connectivity. Make comforting sounds. Thrive in a state of being rather than doing.

In this piece I share today there are rough edges, creating is messy and there are missteps and wrong turns that lead to other directions which can lead one into surprising new territory.

I love how from this behind angle it almost looks like a part of the shoreline feature. A wave ascending from the reds of low tide.

07/18/19

Days 77-79

As life speeds up at a remarkable pace, the performance practice is an exercise in slowing everything down. Slowing down the body unveils a sense of place in the universe while slowing down the mind unleashes and develops thoughts and vital energies. Placing rests between emotions, pauses before reactions helps the creative forces to manifest, and liberates me from my own trappings. This creates space for new works to enter. into being, or at the least, attempts. Situating myself inside the chamber for the last three days has given me a deeper focus on the things that really matter, the things I want to pursue and how I want to spend the time, “creating your own eternity” as Ginsberg said.

07/16/19

Day 76

The final push to the sum. I'm feeling much more comfortable playing for attendees without all the jittery nervous energy that comes from feeling ill prepared. After 76 days I finally feel "prepared" using this prepared guitar technique. At the end of the day it is simply the guitar that I am using to release everything I have at that very moment. I experimented with improvising for an hour without the breath work and then an hour after the Wim Hof method. It was as different as night is from day. The ideas were clear, the tempo unhurried but free to the flow and every note was visualized before it was actualized.

07/15/19

Day 75

“Surfing on the sound”

Nothing complicated today. Simply enjoying the peace of mind / body / spirit / emotion that was offered. I tried to capture that feeling in sound. A repetitive theme and variation (that’s all there ever is, no?) and letting go, until I lose the handle and it flies away. There has been an influx of attendees over the last two weeks and for this I am grateful. A young child and his father stayed for awhile the other day and it was clear this kid was brilliant. His mouth could not keep up to his mind but at one point I could decipher him repeating, “It’s like surfing on the sound!” I enjoy that depiction.

07/13/19

Days 71-74

Wonderful and productive times in the Obscura despite a heavy load of life tasks and events. The closer we get to our goals the harder the journey becomes. I am discovering the uniqueness of each day. Seemingly, in one perspective I have a rigid and finely set routine with a regiment that is firmly embedded from the moment I arise until sundown. But it is not so. Even if I gravitate towards the same activities at the same time, in the same position inside the structure and use the same tuning, mode, key center, strings, clothes and align all the variables as the previous 70 days, it is still a brand new world that unfolds every moment and this is worth celebrating.

Witnessing some incredible guitar music from Niger was a real treat this week. A lesson in inspiration, not to sound like someone else but to keep going further to embrace my own personal pursuit, digging in to unleash the sounds that are unique to my individual experience. Watching a gifted band work like hell to bring music to the people was a reminder of how hard life on the road is, but how highly effective electric instruments are at carrying and transporting messages and emotions to the masses. It is a pure form of celebration and that is inspiring. Using the tools at hand to best express ourselves make me so grateful to have found and hung onto the guitar as my vessel.

07/11/19

Day (Night) 70

07/9/19

Day 69

Part of this project is digging deeper into the idea of transcending the ordinary experience and limitations we put ourselves in. Inspiration on its own is one thing, but it requires pursuit and an effort of transmission to actualize that potential.

Giving my head a rest from all the thoughts about mortality, existence and the nature of reality in the cosmos. Observing the calm and collected nature of the day, trying to capture that in sound. Here’s a short excerpt from a larger piece I have been hammering away at for awhile.

07/8/19

Day 68

To feel the extremities of existence, the blood in the furthest reaches of the body connected to the air particles around us. Layer upon layer, to peel back is often difficult at first until the pain morphs into understanding then calmness and ultimately revelatory. To observe one's own actions and reactions from a different vantage point is to mitigate suffering before the depths open and sweep you in, taking along everything with it, no survivors in that shipwreck. There was a moment today inside the main chamber of the obscura where the swirling sounds had created a mass, a weight that was tangible. It took concentration and then evaporation. Invisible connectivity to the plants and grasses and everything that transpired to make the moment happen. This thought has been persisting and it is a well of deepening inspiration to lead a life of intent, openness and appreciation.

There are lessons in the strange and in the mundane. The connective threads that weave through time, span oceans and transcend all divisions continues to fascinate, inspire and lead me to greater sources. The same sources I seek when discovering an artist, excite me tenfold to seek out their sources and so forth. Musical connect the dots, cross referencing, foot noting and always borrowing, incorporating the language to inform and inspire my own. I’ve been immersed in a self-directed study of music and (unbeknownst to me) an anthropological look at who is playing it, under what circumstances, where on the planet and exploring the connective thread that ties it – and ultimately us, all together. Although the guitar is my medium, all sound and emotion becomes available for source material to do anything with.

To go further still is where I am after, learn from the symphony of the natural world, the ultimate wellspring. The depth of body of material we have access to is astounding and we are so privileged to live in this era of access to knowledge and sharing. I remember first hearing the music of Ali Farka Toure, it being as powerful as first discovering the likes of Hendrix, Neil Young, Miles Davis, Coltrane etc... to an impressionable anti-social ten or eleven year old. I was transported to rhythms so far away, melodies so distant but familiar, like a star filled sky unburdened by light. Not meant for nomenclature, so melody organizes and wraps up its gifts to be passed down and along. I could hardly grasp to understand. But I keep seeking. Music carries great power, to transcend the depths of wartime with a ceasefire (Burning Spear in Africa) or to bring back a glimpse of life to a non-functioning Parkinson’s patient. It is the common denominator. A hollowed bone with holes in it was found to be at least 60,000 years old, the sounds the ocean sing as birds call out for mates. Music is the language of the world. It tells our story. There is no division, only unity as a species. This is my clearest message.

I’ve said this before and I will reiterate: Music erodes prejudice and devours hatred, a celebration, a dance for all and of all ages, creeds and kinds. Music fills one’s emptiness with joy, celebrates the gift of life, company, nourishes the soul and restores the natural rhythm of an unbalanced body or mind functions to be aligned through fundamental frequency that is distinct from verbal communication, essential to humanity.

07/7/19

Day 67

First days of summer's sweltering heat brings a nice change but takes getting used to. Exerting more energy on the farm usually makes the session feel like an awaiting reward but today was laboring. An exercise in trying to appreciate the moment but the feeling of exhaustion trickled into most of the music today. A day of distraction and interruption but I found small moments between all that inner noise and friction where interesting seedlings began, but nothing that could captivate me enough to pursue with full abandon. I observe the need to play it safe when people first enter the vicinity and then I settle in and simply enjoy the flow of pieces that I know to sound well. Improvisation still happens but with clearer direction and within a framework that I am comforted by. In retrospect, this marked positive growth, this entire project has shown me a new level of comfort with the instrument most importantly, with myself. Not everyday is meant to be earth shattering.

07/5/19

Day 66 ? (I might have lost count along the way)

Here is a song I have been working on, every word is true.

See you on the other side

Arms outstretched wide

Going to work till the work is through

Lay my head down to die

Wear off the old skin

Work my hands anew

Can't un-see the things I've seen

Un-live the days I've lived

Cooking up coke on a bent spoon

Candle lights the room

As sweat beat down my brow

Hold the shakes that I can't shake

"If you don't shit you die"

Freebase set him free

The morphine telling lies

The cancer running wild

Biking uphill just to feel the burn

Look across the Bay

Then I said a prayer

Headed on back down

Leaning into the second turn

Ancient pave in ruin

In an instant life turned black

Then white then red

I knew my wounds would heal

His would finally kill

All the tears were cried

July and the fire was stoked

But his heart remained strong

His stubborn was long

A poke in the arm

A few drips in, he was gone

Love till the day you die

Dream till there is no more

Wait for the wings to grow

Be the eagle and soar

07/3/19

Day 65

I don't take for granted having found passion in the pursuits that I want to have occupying my existence. That is my one wish for everybody, to discover, explore and pursue, whatever it may be that light's the proverbial spark that is nurtured into flame.

Even if getting through the day's session has resistance, a feeling of reluctant maintenance, it is always good and on the other side is a sense of accomplishment and a calmness that eases into the remaining day. My phone was dead so I only captured the time with memory and experience, no photo or audio was documented. Two hours can be gone in a blink of the eye inside the obscura as the camera focuses on one scene that is always changing, My focal point is on creating sounds that are pleasing(not exclusively) but are always morphing, even in a cycle of steadfast repetition, subtle nuances alter the results in unpredictable ways.

There is a single vibration that derives from having the idea of the note in the brain through some form of agency or consciousness (which some say happens outside of us?)to the tips of the right hand finger making first contact with the string traveling along its entire length ultimately reaching the left hand fingers that dictates the pitch, tone, duration, attack etc... The capo I use intercepts this connection adding a layer of unpredictability that is at the heart of the wandarian mode. This opens the doors for various manipulations and a fascination that I haven't felt since I was a child first learning the instrument. The process happens for each note and I am trying to pay closer attention to the space between each note, even if I'm playing hundreds of them. This is where I feel the magic happening and where the physical parabolic structure helps to conduct the series of notes into something more than the sum of the parts. It is in this place where the feeling of time evaporates for a moment and I am immersed whole hardheartedly into the sound.

07/2/19

Days 63 and 64

The Bay of Fundy

The first time I touched Fundy soil and heard of it's great tides was back in a 1991 or 92, in the first grade. The roaming supply art teacher came in sporting a large white overcoat, fishing line and large clear bags filled with heavy fresh dense red clay. The fishing line was used to slice a thick slab off for each student. I'd never seen a red that expressive and weighty. It got under the skin. She explained where she collected the clay showing us pictures of the muddy banks of the shores and warning us of the treacherous Fundy tides that hold World records for being the highest.

It was with a magical and magnetic force that brought me to this coastline and solidifying a unique place in my soul almost six years ago. Driving down the long lane way for the first time I was not prepared for the sights that would occupy so much of my present life. To say 'mesmerized' is an understatement. The vantage point overlooking the Bay in it's un-glossed ever-changing glory toward Five Islands as they sit majestic directly across the bay is less than 20 kms away. The initial and immediate thought was "I want to live AND die here." I've never had an emotion equal to this sensation, and am fortunate to live where I do and to have actually found it, albeit blindly.

There are many moods to the tides' crests and falls alongside unique wind patterns that play in tandem with these tidal cycles throughout the seasons, creating weather patterns and ecosystems unto themselves. The stark contrasting of tides represents it's own natural rhythm that you start to read after a short while of observing - it's either coming in or going out. The legacy of these seas traversed by brave souls of the past barely linger while small farms graze the coastline marking a dwindling but persistent self reliant way of life. These shores are also home to the creation story for the Mi'kmaq and contain the legends of Glooscap and many great stories of the the First Nation and its people.

Whether by proximity or by immersion, these connections to the past shaped what was to come. Upon discovering the sounds of the wandarian mode I initially thought of it as a kind of nostalgia for life (and music) for 3,000 years ago. I frequent the beaches and forests daily and admire views and settings where the influences of inhabitants aren't so obvious, I like to see and imagine how things could have been in previous eras. The geological layers visible on the banks via twisted grays of shale concocting in around and diverse directions truncated by red sandstone banks of all heights and magnitudes of red paint the cliffs in a wonder of colour also carry fossils from dinosaurs and flora from millions of years ago.

The Bay becomes the backdrop for everything. It's a magnetic energy that operates on plains I can't fathom, only can vaguely sense. I met a German woman who raises horses in the area and the very first words out of her mouth to me were not 'my name is...' but, "Do you know about the negative ionic energy that the tides carry is healing...?" I was taken aback and left with how truly uniquely special this place was for her, and now for me, I can't comprehend the significance. I think of it is a some form of vibration that attracts certain people here, it goes way beyond a pretty scene, although it has that going on as well. It is a raw, scary, beautiful, dense and vast place that is ever inspiring.

06/30/19

Day 62

“Life exists only at this very moment, and in this moment it is infinite and eternal. For the present moment is infinitely small; before we can measure it, it has gone, and yet it persists forever.” — Become What You Are, Alan Watts

06/29/19

Day 61

Life without an internet connection.

Not by design, an aspect of living in rural Nova Scotia that I’m really enjoying. The first 3 days were weird and anxiety ridden, but that quickly morphed into a re-establishing of my autonomy and a real de-cluttering of life in general. No television and no radio, time has a re-calibrated meaning. Rather than endlessly distract moments with research, entertainment, social media, advertising, negativity, fear tactics, nothingness etc... I now am faced with the question, "What do I really want to be doing?" and then I go do that. It’s an incredible feeling, taking life into your own hands.