Perseverance at work today, as the rains fall hard on the shores. Even the birds were silenced as water pooled and ran to find lowest ground. I holed up inside the chamber and let the sound surround and engulf to take me away for 90 minutes. It took great effort to coax the guitar to life. Feeling drained by a few physically hard days, I stayed true to the mission. I had a quick look at 30 days ago to see where I was at, investigating the idea of taking ownership of our emotions rather than being burdened and drowned by them. I had to dig a bit deeper today. These feelings are our teachers. I think of Dr. Gabor Mate often, who articulates many benefits for living the best life we can by understanding the connections between our emotional trappings and physical or mental illness. His definition of freedom is poignant. He believes freedom for the individual is the space between any stimuli and our reaction to that. Rather than being a passenger to our emotions, this realization gives way to sense of autonomy to be the person we want to be, to react from a place of compassion, love and understanding. To ditch (in my case defensiveness, judgement, guilt etc..) the behaviors that no longer serve us.
With a project like this, there is a sense of letting go of the "90 days in a row" part and just accepting that this is all my own creation and I simply love playing the guitar. Just do it vs. thinking about it. The problem for me is the amount of things I hear in my head in the run of a given day. These performances are another way of quieting that busy mind and allowing the music to pour out. Seeing what the guitar has to offer on this new day. Experiencing the inertia that creativity has and how it impacts my life. It is no different than the daily steadfast work on a farm, accept and move onward. Trust that we have the tools to get through everything we face. No matter how hard the pull to stay in bed is, all it takes is one step in the right direction to set a day of positive growth in motion. Upon completing a day of work or a session of music I am 100% of the time left feeling full of the joy that accomplishment brings and rejuvenation and the satisfaction of completing something, or at least attempting with honest efforts.. The rewards of daily work and the ability to confront our undesired behaviors head on and overcome deep seeded fears make room for new dreams and only directs toward a life of fulfillment.
