day 2
I awoke with self doubt.
I am plagued and riddled by this thought pattern. It can take all the effort I have just to get by. It isn’t always sustained, it comes back from time to time, sometimes out of nowhere. I drove to work second guessing everything, letting that doubt overtake and conquer the morning. The Iceman, Wim Hof whose breathing technique I am introducing to my daily routine said "Don't think about it, just do it."
As soon as I reached the hill overlooking Cheverie, the Bay and the Salt Marshes I was overcome with joy. I let everything drop away and allow the beauty to swallow me. I couldn't have been more excited to just pick up the guitar and see what it had to offer today. The first guitar lesson I had in about 10 years was over skype with the great Derek Gripper last year. Known for his adaptations of Toumani Diabate's incredible kora playing, he suggested I don't try to "practice" at all. Instead, see what the instrument has to offer that day, that moment, unburdened by what I played like the day, the week, the year or the decade before. What an inspiring tactic.
As the sun gains her springtime strength almost by the minute, I let the bird songs take flight. The wind was a whisper today. Not the growl of yesterday. I felt like my music today would be the connecting tissue between these quiet gusts and the birdsongs. Giving over to the unknown and simply allowing it all to unfold the way it was meant. At some points I followed the flight, other times I was leading things onward.
Transfixed on a circular pattern this afternoon I sat motionless other than my fingertips on the strings. As a child I learned If I leaned the guitar's headstock onto a wall, wooden table or chair, anything that resonates, it can amplify the instrument in profound ways. If I put my ear directly on the side of that object, a world opens up. I lose where I am, and don’t care where I’ve been and am solely focused on the spacious and intimate sounds these notes and rests create. Stepping heart and foot into the Camera Obscura engulfs me in similar ways. I grew up doing this to not disturb the other five members of my household growing up. More enormous than I and smaller than a speck of sand these vibrations pass through and into and out of. I stumbled upon this world early on, and tried to keep it guarded and sacred. This guarding does not serve my purpose anymore. It had to take my 34 years of life to learn this. There is hope knowing this world of using guitar as transfer of sound energy always exists. The vibrations can still enter the bloodstream and affect our molecules, altering the DNA of our makeup. An inside perspective, where’d I’d always be an outsider.
With the discovery of the Wandarian mode, it hearkens back to those early childhood struggles, but a way of also breaking free from the old constraints (creating new ones in doing so). Out of the many profound lessons I had while studying the guitar in university, the juxtaposition of giving yourself specific parameters has the ability to open up into the infinite. For instance, playing a scale using only a single string, or improvising a solo over any jazz standard within five frets using one string. These limitations lead to a myriad of articulations and nuances often not investigated or taught in the status quo of guitar vernacular, leading to discoveries and explorations in all directions.
The creative process is messy. It takes many twists and wrong turns to find truth. Hopefully the connective threads are interesting, musical as one navigates through. The important part is to keep seeking.
